Parent-child robbery： Are you afraid to accompany your child to do homework？
CCTV News:(Reporter Ren Jia) "If you don’t do your homework, your mother is kind and filial, and you hug and hug; As soon as I write my homework, chickens fly and dogs jump, screaming and screaming; Let the blood pressure of the elderly rise and let the neighbors not sleep. " A figurative online segment resonates with parents countless times, but there is a set of data that may be more specific.
The Report on the Stress of Homework Writing in Primary and Secondary Schools in China shows that students in China do homework for 2.82 hours every day, and 91.2% of parents have the experience of accompanying their children to do homework, among which 78% of them accompany them every day. There are 75.79% families who have had conflicts between parents and children because of "homework": "There are too many things to do when they do homework", "You can’t write a few questions for a long time" and "You are too stupid to teach". Many parents surveyed mentioned that accompanying homework has become one of the reasons for the decline in happiness.
For a time, accompanying children to do homework has become a "high-risk job". Some parents do not hesitate to "lay down their lives" to accompany them, and some parents choose to "cherish their lives".
01
The parents are still the parents, but the children are not the original children.
During Shen Ying’s four years of tutoring, the word "forbearance" is the first word every day, and I deeply understand what "my chest is stuffy and my brain hurts".
The math problem needs to be completed within 10 minutes. Shen Ying first encouraged the children: "Baby, do your homework carefully, not only neatly, but also keep the speed and accuracy. Mom believes you, my daughter is the best!" After that, she habitually sat beside reading with her. When she looked up again, she said, "People are holding pencils, playing with their hands, biting their nails for a while and looking at the back of their hands for a while. How beautiful your hands are!" Shen Ying took a deep breath and endured!
She smiled and gently reminded: "Baby, you can’t write while playing. Pay attention!" The daughter happily agreed. Looking up two minutes later, my daughter actually drew a picture on the draft paper. Shen Ying took a deep breath again, and then endure!
"Daughter, this is a question that needs to be completed within 10 minutes. If it is not completed, it will be considered unqualified and reported to the teacher!" Five minutes later, my daughter finally finished her homework. Kuloko Shen took the exercise book and looked at it. He made one mistake, two mistakes, 30 questions and more than 10 mistakes. Holding back her anger, she patiently asked, "How much is 360÷90?" Multiplication formula from three nine back to nine nine, that is, cleverly avoided four nine, again reminded, finally said four nine, asked how much the result should be written, blurted out 40!
Kuloko Shen broke out in an instant and roared, "How did you make so many mistakes?"! I still have the mind to play and write. Can you concentrate on your homework? How about dessert? The rest of the wrong questions are corrected by yourself, and the multiplication is definitely written after the correction! " After that, she threw her exercise book on the table, turned and threw herself on the bed, feeling very tired.
After a while, I heard the sound of Suosuo packing things behind me, and thought, it seems to be finished. "When I looked back, people put the packed schoolbag on the pig’s back and stood at the desk, sitting in a chair looking at the pig with a sad face. I was in distress!"
02
Mother becomes stepmother, lady becomes bitch.
"Accompanying children to do homework, I think it is the most difficult topic in the world. It is not a joke that a mother becomes a stepmother and a lady becomes a bitch!" Wang Xia’s son has just entered the first grade of primary school this year, and tutoring homework every day has already started to give her a headache.
Wang Xia, who graduated with a doctorate, works in a state-owned enterprise and is very busy. When she comes home from work, she doesn’t watch TV or play with her mobile phone. She looks up information on the Internet to study ways to educate her children and concentrate on tutoring her children. In order to accompany her son in his homework, she prepared two notebooks with the same size and different colors. One is to record the child’s performance and homework, and the other is to record the process of accompanying him to grow up, including some methods to help him learn or problems that need attention at ordinary times.
Such a rational and methodical mother will inevitably collapse in front of her homework. Wang Xia is often holding back his anger and tutoring his homework with both carrot and stick.
For example, I left a lot of homework in the past winter vacation, such as Chinese, math, English, sports, music, dance, calligraphy and art … … Almost everything needs the cooperation of parents. Originally, there was a lot of content, and the child was particularly dawdling when writing homework. "I think what can be done in 20 minutes, he can’t finish it in two hours, and he especially loves bargaining." "Mom, this can write less? Can you not write this? "
The most exasperating thing is that the child became so angry with her that she learned to speak in front of her: "Doing homework for a while, playing with the eraser, eating for a while, drinking for a while, and half an hour passed … …” Seeing his triumphant appearance, Wang Xia felt that he had done something wrong in his previous life, and God sent him to punish himself.
A while ago, she read the news that some parents were angry with cerebral hemorrhage during tutoring homework and went directly to the hospital. She also silently prepared a bottle of quick-acting rescue pills for herself in case of emergency.
03
Apples are no longer apples, oranges are not oranges.
If you think that tutoring begins in primary school, you are wrong. Now the kindergarten has already opened a thinking class.
Tao Ran’s daughter’s kindergarten teacher arranged a question for her parents. The question type is: an apple = two oranges, and an orange = three cherries. Q: How many cherries does an apple equal? The teacher asked parents to draw inferences and give similar questions to their children.
As soon as Tao Ran finished reading the topic, her daughter asked her, "Mom, an apple is an apple. Why do you say it is an orange?"? An orange is an orange. Why do you say it is a cherry? " Tao Ran explained it several times. It was just a hypothetical question. My daughter finally collapsed and cried: "It is an apple! It’s not a cherry! If you want to eat apples, take them! Mom, this is an apple! " (The child’s breaking point is, what happened to my mother? Did you lose your brain watt? How terrible! )
Tao ran didn’t know how to deal with it, and his emotions were on the verge of collapse. He said, "Baby, I’ll read the questions to you again! Suppose! Suppose! Suppose an apple is equal to two oranges! " My daughter still can’t understand why my mother has to call apples oranges.
In the end, the mother and daughter wept bitterly because they could not understand each other’s thoughts! The apple at this time is no longer the original apple, and the orange is not the original orange.
04
Yes, you can. Shut up if you don’t.
Compared with the anxious parent above, Zhao Wenting is a calm mother. Although her 5-year-old son has not started his formal study, she has begun to cultivate his study habits and self-control ability. For example, once the piano is difficult, once you play it three or four times and don’t get it right, you start to make excuses for yourself, saying that you are too young, the book is not put away properly, and someone has influenced him. In short, you don’t say that you didn’t play it right, and you don’t let me talk. When you say it, you are anxious and you cry.
In this case, Zhao Wenting will let him calm down first and do other things by himself. My son is crying like a wolf, tearing his heart out, and his voice is hoarse. However, no matter how her son cried, how uncomfortable and sleepy he was, she simply said, "If you can’t finish the task today, don’t sleep. I am optimistic about the time, I can still have time to play after I finish practicing, and I decide whether to start or not. " All the fathers, grandfathers, grandmothers who can help are not allowed to enter the house.
At first, my son cried badly, and the family would come over to dissuade him. Wen-ting Zhao left directly, and when his son saw his mother leave, he became even more lawless and became more violent. No one in the family can control this "little bully", and there will be no more words from now on. Zhao Wenting’s basic principle of "if you do it, you will shut up if you don’t" has achieved remarkable results.
Without the backing, my son will basically cry for 10 seconds, and he will take the initiative to practice the piano and stop yelling. Such a plot can be staged five or six times a night. Zhao Wenting always keeps smiling and calmly faces. "I will try not to get angry. Long wrinkles are not good for my health, thanks to my mother!"
05
It’s a long March. Who’s afraid of who?
Compared with manic mothers, dad Cheng Gang said that he was "cold-blooded" in educating his children.
In order to keep the children from losing at the starting line, Cheng Gang enrolled his son in a foreign language class. At first, my son was shy, and the teacher was embarrassed to open his mouth. After getting acquainted with the teacher, I began to smirk and answer irrelevant questions.
The teacher reflected his son’s inattention and distraction in class. When he came home from class, Cheng Gang asked him to reflect on what he had done wrong in English class, and his son refused to admit his mistake.
Cheng Gang said, "Well, then recite the words you just learned today against the wall."
"Dad, I don’t remember that much!"
"Good, then close your eyes and count for 100 seconds!"
"Dad, 100 seconds is too long!"
"Count two 50 seconds!"
"All right!"
After 100 seconds, Cheng Gang asked him to meditate cross-legged in the dark room and continue to reflect. In class the next day, if there is improvement, the time will be reduced, and if there is no improvement, the time will be added.
"Counseling children is a process of wits! Anyway, whatever you say, I have something. Here. The long March is long, and the enemy can’t be defeated, and he is injured first. "
"Want to fight with me! Son, you are still tender. "
Expert advice:
Don’t interfere too much
Chu Zhaohui, a researcher at China Academy of Educational Sciences
Parents accompany their children to do homework. First, they will make them feel that this homework is not what I want to do, but what parents want me to do. Children’s autonomy will be suppressed and their sense of responsibility for homework will be reduced. In the long run, children will form a passive personality, which will affect their long-term development. Second, if a child can finish his homework on his own, it is actually a kind of interference for his parents to watch and correct all kinds of situations when he writes his homework. This kind of interference will reduce the efficiency of children’s homework. The lower the efficiency, the more dissatisfied parents are, forming a vicious interaction and cycle. Third, when a child has no parents to accompany him, then he may not know how to do his homework, or even stop doing it at all.
Therefore, it is enough for parents to know whether their homework is completed and understand their children’s homework, so don’t interfere too much. As long as the child can do it, leave him alone and let him do it, so as to cultivate the child’s autonomy and sense of responsibility. For those parents who have been with them for some time in the past, the next thing to do is to let go as much as possible, so that children can have a quiet little environment and finish their homework by themselves. Especially in senior grades, when parents don’t know the content of their studies and can’t make a judgment, they should leave this matter to the communication between teachers and students and let them go completely.
Respect children’s growth and learning rules.
Zong Chunshan, director and researcher of Beijing Youth Legal and Psychological Counseling Service Center.
Parents should respect their children’s growth and learning rules. For example, in primary school, there is more gamification learning, and children have no abstract thinking, so it is difficult to multitask. If parents don’t understand the learning rules and characteristics at this stage, they will judge this matter according to the speed and standards of adults, and blindly accuse their children of slow homework, which will bring great pressure to their children. Children either cry or give up, or they are tired of learning, and parents will feel very unhappy. In the end, both sides lose, and happiness is completely gone.
Accompany children with homework, one is to cultivate emotions. We need a good atmosphere at home. Mom and Dad are studying, and the children are not alone. The second is to cultivate confidence. Only pay attention to the right, not the wrong, and cultivate the interest and ability in learning. Everyone is different. Teach students in accordance with their aptitude. Don’t compare your own children with other children. The third is to cultivate the hero’s consciousness. For example, if there is an error in the homework, ask the child to check it himself. At the beginning, parents may help with the examination. In the second stage, the child will find it himself. If he can’t find a parent, he should not help. The teacher will criticize him. Let children feel that they are the masters of their homework and learn to bear the consequences of their choices. When parents return the responsibility of learning to their children and the subject of learning to their children, happiness will be improved. (At the request of the interviewee, pseudonyms are used in the text.)